Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
