you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
