I'm laying in your front yard are you home
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
