his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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