Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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