I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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