My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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