I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
