I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
