I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
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After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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