Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
