That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize