and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
im on a boat
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