FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
