I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
