Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize