you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
