When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We got so high we made milksteak
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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