I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
