She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I can't turn off my feet"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
