the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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