If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Still dying that you shit outside
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
