i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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