Please don't use social media to get back at me.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
