He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
