just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I need a burrito and a hug.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
