His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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