There was a lot of him and a little penis
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
