He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize