I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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