I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
