i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i drank out of a bidet.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize