Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
