I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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