she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
