No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
