i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
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