I threw up into my coffee this morning.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
