I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
