my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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