There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
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