I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
