Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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