Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Come on in and take your pants off
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