how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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