well you can't waste a boner
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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