I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
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I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
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I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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