I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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