Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
