Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
