Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
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she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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