Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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