and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
