I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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