Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Randomize
