Sorry, I don't speak sober.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
