I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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