But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
