I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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