I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
This baby is an asshole
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
