I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
