My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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