doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
