OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
