Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
