I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
