so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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