it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
