so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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