Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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