I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
