Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
