Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
