I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
