Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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