I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
