I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
