you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Randomize
