Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
