It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Welp...herpes.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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