Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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