Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
