So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
