My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
