We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
