....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
tell me about the eggs
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
